Step By Step

Dear Gerard,

I find myself wondering why you changed your name when you went off to FAMU.  Did it sound cooler?  I guess now I will never truly know.  I also find myself wondering for the very first time what would have happened had I went to FAM with you.  I've never regretted my decision to go to Albany State, but I find myself curious.  Would I have cherished those additional years of you being in my back pocket and me being in your front seat?  Probably not.  We were young and free.  How would we have known that 37 years would be all we would have so we needed to make the most of every moment.

Thats the thing about life.  It does not come with an expiration date.  Would an expiration date have made a difference though.  We both know you kept things beyond their expiration.  Milk, eggs, and relationships.  Speaking of relationships, how many girlfriends of yours did I screen for you?  LOL.  A few of them I made mad with my questions.  I just needed to see where their head was at.  I never wanted anyone to change you except you.

Perhaps that answers my first question.  Though what I said when I saw your tattoo will always be true.  I will never call you Nic, you will forever be Gerard to me.  Now that you're gone I guess I will no longer have to explain to your post FAM friends why I call you Gerard.  Look at that.....another silly thing I am going to miss.  There is one good thing about missing you, it means I cannot forget you.  I am fearful of the day my memories of you start to fade.  The days when I can no longer hear your voice or feel your hugs in my spirit.  I pray that on my death bed whenever that comes (hopefully 75 or more years from now) I will still possess a million memories of you.

I just realized that when we reunite in heaven you will be much younger than me.  I bet I will still be better looking though.

Love you Black Boy!  Blowing kisses to the sky!

#ForeverGerard