Day 20

Dear Gerard,
 
It's been twenty days since I received that dreadful call.  I can still hear my mama's screams on the phone.  I still cannot feel my heart beating inside my chest.  My battle to not cry every second of every hour is being won.  

Who knew I would miss you this much?  My uncle of course (your dad) always told me I would miss you one day.  In my wildest dreams I never thought he would be right because I have never imagined my life without you.  Not one single day.  The day I received news of your passing I could not imagine living one day without you, but here I am twenty days later.  I think of Daniel, Cameron, and Maya every day.  I need to see them, but I am afraid.  I am afraid I will not be able to keep my composure.  I refuse to cry in front of them.  I know we all miss you.  Besides you always counted on me to be strong and stand beside you.  I remember the night your daddy died and you called me as you rushed home.  You couldn't understand what your mom was saying so you used our system.  I always kept you up to date on what was happening in the family.  You always called me because I could keep my composure in the worst situations enough to pass along the information.  

Man how much I would love for you to call me again so I can ignore your first call because I know with that second phone call the first words out of your mouth will be "Answer the phone woman!"  It's funny how you miss the stupidest things when your loved one dies.  Over the past twenty days I have been flooded with a million memories of things I miss about you.

You know I have now lived 5 months and 25 days without you.

Missing you everyday!

Blowing kisses at the sky!

#ForeverGerard